Why Single or Divorced Women Fear Estate Planning

If you are a woman who has lost your husband or has gone through a divorce and you have a sizeable estate, chances are you have encountered feelings of fear and being overwhelmed at some point.

With children (and grandchildren) to look after, the job of leading the family and managing the finances as well as managing the estate can appear a bit overwhelming. If you are recently alone, fear can grip every decision that you make. How do you deal with fear that is like a cloud over all that you do and say? How do you engage in the decision making and planning that is required in spite of that fear?

Rule number five in the book “Red Sea Rules” is appropriate in this situation: Stay calm and confident, and give God time to work. I have found in my practice that women who are alone spend a lot of time researching before making a decision, and even then they question whether they are making the right decision. They search for people they can trust to help them. However, trust can take time, and if the past is filled with untrustworthy people, it may never appear.

There are two principles that may help a woman who finds herself alone: Leave room for God and Fear not.

It may be time to admit that you cannot solve every problem, cure every hurt, or avoid every fear, but you can leave room for God. “I don’t have the answer to every dilemma, but I can leave room for God to work. I can’t do the impossible, but He is able to do ‘exceedingly abundantly above all’ that I could ask or imagine” Eph. 3:20. The Lord delights in the impossible.

When the Israelites were faced with the Red Sea in front of them and the Pharaoh’s troops behind them, Moses told them “The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.” Ex. 14:13-14

This is what the biblical phrase “wait on the Lord” is about: committing our Red Sea situations to Him in prayer, trusting Him, and waiting for Him to work.

There is comfort in knowing that the Lord has our back. Only the Lord can storm the impregnable, devise the improbable, and perform the impossible.

I understand for most women who are alone this may not take away the fear of making all the decisions necessary to run a family estate. It is interesting to me to see how important fear is to the Lord. “Fear not” and phrases like “do not fear” are mentioned 107 times in the Old Testament and 42 times in the New Testament. So it is more of a human condition and one that should drive us to trust God.

The Israelites must have been terrified when they approached the Red Sea. There was no human escape, yet they were told to be confident in their Lord. God has promised to fight for us. When we fear, we are saying to God that we don’t trust Him or we are not confident in Him. Easy for me to say, you may think since I am a guy. I don’t think that the Bible makes a distinction:

  • Do not be terrified…The Lord your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you. Deut. 1:29-31
  • You must not fear them, for the Lord your God Himself fights for you. Deut. 3:22
  • Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them: for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. Deut. 31:6
  • All this assembly shall know that the Lord does not save with sword and spear: for the battle is the Lord’s. 1Sam. 17:47
  • If God is for us, who can be against us?…In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Rom. 8:31, 37

There is no greater fear than what a woman faces when she loses her husband either through death or divorce. Jesus has an answer to that dilemma: trust Him! We cannot always solve problems, heal hurts, change circumstances or win every battle. We must kneel in prayer, and then stand to see what He will do. We must leave room for God, stay calm and give Him time to work.

“Faith,” wrote C.H. Mackintosh, “raises the soul above the difficulty, straight to God Himself, and enables one to stand still. We gain nothing by our restless and anxious efforts…He will assuredly open a way for us.”


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joe-sturnioloBy Joe Sturniolo
Christian Family Legacy and Wealth Planning
Joe believes that stronger families are the vehicle God uses to bring
about significant impact for His Kingdom.

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