As Christians, we are all working to create a legacy that matters and that glorifies God. We want our children to also glorify God and have an impact for the Kingdom.
What does not show up in the numbers is the legacy of your marriage. How are you passing on this legacy?
I am not a theologian nor do I profess to be a psychologist, but I speak into couple’s legacy every day and I have my own life experiences to tap. I have found great joy in what I have discovered and my marriage has grown in closeness and meaning because of what I have found. I too have had moments in my marriage where I did not know if I could continue and my wife would share the same.
In the bible, God commands men to love their wife and women to respect their husband.
Some women would say, “How can I respect a husband who does not respect and love me?”
Many men would say, “How can I love a wife who does not respect and love me?”
Most would have a lot more to say about why they are not loveable or to be respected.
What both are saying is that if my wife/husband would simply be or do certain things than they would be deserving of respect or love. In a very real sense, you are saying, “I am so self-centered that I will do no good for you unless I am getting something for myself. My attention is so precious that you must earn it. Until you perform well enough, I will not notice you. I must be worshiped.” Ouch! My hope is that God does not view you in the same manner.
“I cannot love or respect you” is at odds with God’s definition of love. Love is defined as the desire to do what is best for and to another. Whether you deserve love or respect has nothing to do with it. The motivation to love and respect originates in the person doing the loving; it is not to be engendered by the one being loved. You are only condemning yourself when you refuse to love or respect. I can personally say that by selflessly loving my wife, without expecting anything, we have grown closer and I have the joy I was looking for.
Love and respect are in the very DNA of an individual. I have never found, and never will find, a woman engaged in not respecting her husband who has a lift in her spirit, a glowing countenance, or an exuding joy. The same is true for a husband that refuses to love. I have found wonderful believers who radiate the love and joy of God in horrific marriages. They have learned the secret that love/respect is for their own good and happiness. You are free from the chaos and civil war that you cannot win. Lay aside self-merit and justification in order to love and respect. Jesus taught us this kind of love and it is now time for us to teach it to our children to create a legacy that matters.
For more information on how Kardia can help you build an enduring family legacy, please contact us or call 303-752-0590.